Movie : 2012's 50 Awards for 50 Movies: "Worst Movie of the Year"
Link : 2012's 50 Awards for 50 Movies: "Worst Movie of the Year"
2012's 50 Awards for 50 Movies: "Worst Movie of the Year"
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Cinema Beans: Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
Holy shit: here we go. I’ve been waiting so long for this! Not since I pointed out the absolutely offensive douchebaggery going on in Salmon Fishing in the Yemen in my original analysis have I been able to publicly bash the crap out of this mockery of a film...
But I’ll be damned if I don’t feel worn out with these awards, these awful, demeaning films, and 2012 as a whole. I’m ready for 2013, and director/writer combo Lasse Hallström and Simon Beaufoy can’t hold me back any longer. In a year full of Bullheads, Klowns, Ghost Riders, and Argos, this completely inconsequential and irrelevant film just won’t fucking shake itself from my memory bank. It reduces everything film is about—pain, loss, faith, humanity, and the overall strive to do better in this world—to a goddamn fuzzy-wuzzy spectacle. I’m not trying to be the moral police here—if so, I’d be handing this award to Ewan McGregor’s other massive 2012 failure The Impossible. But shit, Beaufoy makes a tsunami seem like an ill-placed puddle with his constant, unrelenting, mindnumbing desire to manipulate every single emotion, thought, and ACT OF GOD secreting from this film, like some sort of Chinese water torture that feels way longer than two hours.
Maybe as an atheist I’m inherently offended by this film—I, myself, could give a smelly shit about what you believe in, but I also won’t be lecturing you anytime soon. But Beaufoy has the power of film on his side, and reducing a woman’s legitimate life concerns to a dewy-eyed game of The Bachelorette has got to be one of the most offensive moments in, like, the history of feminism. Hell, offensive to the human mind.
I’ll write about my favorite movie of 2012 tomorrow—a film that excites me about 2013. But for today, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen is a reminder of the insulting drudgery I’ll inevitably endure.
But I’ll be damned if I don’t feel worn out with these awards, these awful, demeaning films, and 2012 as a whole. I’m ready for 2013, and director/writer combo Lasse Hallström and Simon Beaufoy can’t hold me back any longer. In a year full of Bullheads, Klowns, Ghost Riders, and Argos, this completely inconsequential and irrelevant film just won’t fucking shake itself from my memory bank. It reduces everything film is about—pain, loss, faith, humanity, and the overall strive to do better in this world—to a goddamn fuzzy-wuzzy spectacle. I’m not trying to be the moral police here—if so, I’d be handing this award to Ewan McGregor’s other massive 2012 failure The Impossible. But shit, Beaufoy makes a tsunami seem like an ill-placed puddle with his constant, unrelenting, mindnumbing desire to manipulate every single emotion, thought, and ACT OF GOD secreting from this film, like some sort of Chinese water torture that feels way longer than two hours.
Maybe as an atheist I’m inherently offended by this film—I, myself, could give a smelly shit about what you believe in, but I also won’t be lecturing you anytime soon. But Beaufoy has the power of film on his side, and reducing a woman’s legitimate life concerns to a dewy-eyed game of The Bachelorette has got to be one of the most offensive moments in, like, the history of feminism. Hell, offensive to the human mind.
I’ll write about my favorite movie of 2012 tomorrow—a film that excites me about 2013. But for today, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen is a reminder of the insulting drudgery I’ll inevitably endure.
MMI: The Three Stooges
I bet Salmon Fishing is awful. I saw the trailer and hated the movie. I can't imagine sitting through the entire thing. Luckily for me, I didn't have to! But I did see The Three Stooges.
There are people who will say Stooges captured the charm of the original TV show. That they liked the movie. Great. I'm happy for you. But we can agree it's a horrible movie, right?
I could make the easy easy easy easy joke of saying it's the only movie of 2012 to feature the entire cast of The Jersey Shore. Nuff said.
I do think the actors did a great job channeling the original characters. I just thought the jokes sucked. The plot sucked. And there's something about the Farrelly brothers' movies I...hate?
I love Dumb & Dumber. I like There's Something About Mary. And Kingpin! But...Me, Myself & Irene creeped me out. Shallow Hal sort of weirded me out. Especially the use of the vestigial tale. Like...that was used as a plot twist?? Stuck On You had been marketed as this comedy, and it was way more serious than your typical comedy movie. And even though it was still supposed to be funny, I didn't laugh. Even once. I sat in the theater totally dumbfounded by what I was watching. It just made me sad. Re-watching that Meryl Streep scene, I think I can identify it now. So many scenes in Farrelly movies are saturated with such...awkwardness? And for some reason I just...don't laugh? I'm drowning in the awkwardness. So even though that football joke is pretty good. I can't laugh at it. I think the awkwardness worked in Dumb & Dumber because the characters were "idiots". But to continue to have in every movie hyper-delusional, unaware characters is beyond me. And that's what the Farrelly Brothers deliver. Their main characters are always desperately flawed and succeed because they're also "charming" despite their flaws. But it's always other people taking pity on the characters. And the end of Stuck on You? The brothers are so dependent and incapable of individuality that even though they are separated physically they use velcro clothing. Is that funny? That's pathetic. And "pathetic" gets its maximum application in Hall Pass. Those guys have zero self-esteem whatsoever. Their wives lack courage as well. Fuck Hall Pass.
Anyway. I dislike Farrelly brother movies. And Three Stooges is no exception. The humor is oddly timed to me. The pace of the movie is odd to me. The cinematography of Farrelly movies is odd to me. I find the Stooges and the supporting characters sort of gross. And I hate that the Stooges are so...unaware of the world around them and the impact they have on people.
So. Yeah. There's my whiney rant.
Here's the synopsis of Me, Myself & Irene, from Wikipedia, in full:
There are people who will say Stooges captured the charm of the original TV show. That they liked the movie. Great. I'm happy for you. But we can agree it's a horrible movie, right?
I could make the easy easy easy easy joke of saying it's the only movie of 2012 to feature the entire cast of The Jersey Shore. Nuff said.
I do think the actors did a great job channeling the original characters. I just thought the jokes sucked. The plot sucked. And there's something about the Farrelly brothers' movies I...hate?
I love Dumb & Dumber. I like There's Something About Mary. And Kingpin! But...Me, Myself & Irene creeped me out. Shallow Hal sort of weirded me out. Especially the use of the vestigial tale. Like...that was used as a plot twist?? Stuck On You had been marketed as this comedy, and it was way more serious than your typical comedy movie. And even though it was still supposed to be funny, I didn't laugh. Even once. I sat in the theater totally dumbfounded by what I was watching. It just made me sad. Re-watching that Meryl Streep scene, I think I can identify it now. So many scenes in Farrelly movies are saturated with such...awkwardness? And for some reason I just...don't laugh? I'm drowning in the awkwardness. So even though that football joke is pretty good. I can't laugh at it. I think the awkwardness worked in Dumb & Dumber because the characters were "idiots". But to continue to have in every movie hyper-delusional, unaware characters is beyond me. And that's what the Farrelly Brothers deliver. Their main characters are always desperately flawed and succeed because they're also "charming" despite their flaws. But it's always other people taking pity on the characters. And the end of Stuck on You? The brothers are so dependent and incapable of individuality that even though they are separated physically they use velcro clothing. Is that funny? That's pathetic. And "pathetic" gets its maximum application in Hall Pass. Those guys have zero self-esteem whatsoever. Their wives lack courage as well. Fuck Hall Pass.
Anyway. I dislike Farrelly brother movies. And Three Stooges is no exception. The humor is oddly timed to me. The pace of the movie is odd to me. The cinematography of Farrelly movies is odd to me. I find the Stooges and the supporting characters sort of gross. And I hate that the Stooges are so...unaware of the world around them and the impact they have on people.
So. Yeah. There's my whiney rant.
Here's the synopsis of Me, Myself & Irene, from Wikipedia, in full:
Charlie Baileygates (Jim Carrey) is an 18-year veteran Rhode Island State Police trooper who has been taken advantage of by people throughout most of his life. Immediately after his marriage, his wife, Layla (Traylor Howard), cheats on him with a dwarf African-American limousine driver, named Shonté (Tony Cox), who, like Layla, is a member of the high IQ group Mensa. Although Charlie's friends try informing him of his wife's infidelity, he still denies the possibility. One year later, Layla abandons Charlie and runs off with Shonté; leaving Charlie to raise three biracial sons who are the products of Layla's adulterous affair with the limo driver (and one of whom is actually named Shonté, Jr.). Charlie never sees his wife again. Charlie raises his illegitimate triplet sons using very vulgar language and spoiling them with sweets and unbalanced diets. Two of Charlie's three sons become obese, and they are all foul-mouthed young adults, but they are also highly intelligent (like their biological father) and they treat Charlie much better than anyone else. His wife's affair and abandonment leaves Charlie so emotionally damaged that he lets himself be abused and taken advantage of by others. Despite his friendliness and his being a police officer, the townspeople reject Charlie's authority with open scorn.
After many years of continuous abuse by the people around him, his anger builds up and Charlie develops a rude and violent split personality named Hank, caused by "advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage". As Hank, he goes around retaliating against anyone who has accosted him — and even harms those who really haven't. A psychiatrist prescribes a medicine to keep Hank suppressed. Believing that Charlie needs a vacation, his commanding officer (Robert Forster), orders him to escort a woman named Irene Waters (Renée Zellweger) from Rhode Island to Massena, New York, because she reportedly committed a hit-and-run. Irene insists the hit-and-run accusation was created by Dickie, Irene's mob-connected ex-boyfriend, and corrupt police officers in his employ. When some hit men arrive with a contract on Irene's life, Charlie agrees to help her escape, while a United States Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) agent is killed by the hit men. Charlie leaves his medicine behind, causing his alter ego, Hank, to surface any time he wants.
The FBI suspects that Charlie is responsible for assassinating the EPA agent. The FBI joins Charlie's commander in pursuing Charlie and Irene. Charlie's sons pretend to work with the police to find their father, but throw the police off his trail and even steal a police helicopter to get to Charlie before the police do.
Along the way, Irene and Charlie grow close. However, Hank's random appearances both disgust and frighten Irene. Hank's aggression and resourcefulness aid in their survival, but Irene finds herself attracted to Charlie. Hank tells Irene the truth about Charlie's life, and how years of humiliation have destroyed Charlie's confidence as a man and a police officer. Hank has plastic surgery performed on Charlie's face, and uses hours of careful cunning to trick Irene into sleeping with him by posing as the good-natured Charlie. They meet a mild-mannered but mysterious young man named Whitey (who is albino). They continue their journey as a trio, until Whitey calmly tells Charlie the story of how he brutally murdered his entire family. Charlie and Irene, frightened by this, sneak away in the night.
Meanwhile, Dickie orders corrupt agents to kill both Charlie and Irene. After they fail, Dickie decides to settle the matter himself. During the confrontation with Dickie, Charlie finally manages to eliminate the alternate personality and regain the courage to rescue Irene. Eventually, he manages to stop Dickie, but only after Dickie shoots off one of Charlie's thumbs. Charlie is also aided in the fight by Whitey, who reappears to throw a lawn dart into Dickie's back; killing him. Charlie thanks Whitey for saving his life, and apologizes for making him kill again, but Whitey then explains that he made up the story in order to seem cool to Charlie, and that his family now lives in Arizona. With Hank gone, and Dickie's crew dead or behind bars, Irene is finally free to return to her old life. However, just after she drives away from Charlie's house, the Rhode Island State Police fakes an arrest on her and gives Charlie a chance to propose to her.That's fucked up, right? (Though "Shonte Jr" did make me laugh).
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